


188

by orphan_account



Series: SHIELD Recruit Survival Tips, A History [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, Groupies, Humor, friendship fic, minor original characters, phil has a headache, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-15 08:18:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crowd control is not a fluff assignment. Especially when you consider that crowd control often involves dealing with Avengers groupies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [SHIELD Recruit Survival Tips](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/23450) by Various. 



Phil rubbed his temples.

_Press Conferences_. He hated, HATED Press Conferences. Tony, of course, would come dressed immaculately, with a painfully plastic PR approved smiled on his face that no one outside of the team realised was fake, Bruce hiding in the very large shadow he cast at public events. Steve would come neatly dressed and groomed, his grin shy and nervous but much more real. Natasha and Clint would arrive together, but no one would know because Clint would be up high watching their backs for at least twenty minutes before he consented to emerge, tight lipped and glaring at any reporter that got too close. Thor, if it was an event they needed him at, would boom and grin and overall be the least of Coulson's worries.

If he was lucky, Natasha and Bruce and Steve would do most of the talking and/or Tony was having a good day while running distraction, interruption, and overall controlling the flow, as he had a great deal of experience. Coulson hated asking him to do so because it often resulted in a very brittle, on edge billionaire for the rest of the night, but Tony was the best man for the job.

If he wasn't lucky, Tony would be having a bad day and still insist on talking, and They would ask Clint a lot of questions. Or Bruce would give him the Look that meant he needed to leave, now, or there would be an _incident_ , and Natasha would be fingering the knife in her boot and even Steve's smile would start to slip and Clint would be outright rude, all of which usually happened when They were being particularly vicious to Tony, who laughed it away with that brittle laugh they knew meant he'd probably try to get drunk later if they didn't find some way to distract him. Obviously Tony was Their favorite scapegoat and literary punching bag.

And then there was Them, the stupid idiotic papparatzi. There was no other group with such a limited, itty bitty amount of common sense and decorum --

\--Besides junior agents, which brings him back to the current reason for his headache.

"Junior Agent Williams," he said. "I assure you that crowd control is _far_ from a fluff assignment. In fact, it is an assignment we usually fill with only Level Four or above agents, and you were recommended by one of them to take his place due to an impromptu visit to medical."

The junior agent in question snorted. "Fine." he muttered, clearly unconvinced. Well, he'd learn.


	2. Chapter 2

"Junior Agent Williams, report." Coulson spoke, calm. 

The agent sneezed, making feathers fly everywhere, and took deep breaths to calm his own shaking. “The - the -”

“The proper term for a report would be ‘The Fandom’, Williams.”

“The Fandom flooded the streets surrounding the location of the press conference. Despite some violent attempts to get through to the Avengers, they were easily held off until about halfway through the conference. At that point, about 1500 hours, a signal of some kind must have been given.”

“I see. Any idea what that signal may have been?”

“There was one group of girls towards the center of the mob that released a dove screaming something about love and its repercussions. That seems to be what triggered the… um, attack.” Williams was finally beginning to gain control of the shaking.

“What weapons were used?”

“Some craft glue called modge-podge, feathers, books, and various Avengers merchandise, including a functional replica of Hawkeye’s recurve and the non-magical version of Thor’s hammer, as well as aluminum replicas of the Captain America shield, sir.”

“How did you fend them off?” Coulson asked, honestly curious. He had never seen so easily a repelled Fandom barrage before.

“There was a break in the line, and the fandom was pouring in like mad. I simply yelled, ‘look, they’re going to get OUR Avengers, don’t let them get there first’ or something similar, and the entire group turned against itself.”

Coulson blinked. “I believe you deserve a promotion, Junior Agent. I will think on it. Go report to psych, you’ll have some evaluations to do for the next few weeks.”

“Thank you sir.” Williams left, letting in the next blubbering mass of terror created by the Fandom attack.

Coulson closed his eyes. He needed a raise and some _very_ strong pain killers. Regular ones just didn’t cut the headaches anymore.


End file.
